Emily: Dear So and So

Adam Lambert,
You sang great, and I'ma let chu finish, but William Hung was the best worse singer ever!!!!

Pathetic,
Emily

President Obama,
Once again, you've shown your ignorance. There is the latest embarrassment: "Take it up with Him, not me." Him being God and the quote was about gay marriage. It is abundantly clear that God does NOT think gay marriage is OK. What is there to take up with him? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were the one who thought you could become President and save the world. Epic Fail. God saved this world long before you existed, so you should stop pawning your inefficiencies off on Him. Go on, save the world like you said you would.

You really piss me off,
Emily

Mark Salling,
Can I PLEASE have your babies? I promise I would be a great momma and an even better wife. You. Are. Gorgeous.

In Love,
Emily

Tim Tebow,
I’m sorry that your Florida Gators COMPLETELY choked in the SEC championship game this past weekend. But you should know that it’s okay because I still love you. Sadie and I are ready to make you feel all better. Please come home soon.

Love,
Emily

P.S. I think it’s adorable that you cried; your passion is awesome. Don’t listen to the haters who pointed and laughed.

P.S.S. Good luck in the Sugar Bowl. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp.

Kat,

Your class really pissed me off all year. I realize you don’t care. But, you should know that I’m really not a fan of you. And here are a few things I have really wanted to tell you but obviously I’m not really a fan of getting kicked out of Speech Pathology school. Since you don’t know about my blog, I’ll go ahead and tell you now.

I don’t like you at all,
Emily

TTUHSC travel people,
WHY IN THE WORLD did you not approve the travel of the aforementioned Kat?!?!?! She asked for a sabbatical to some foreign country (Singapore I think) and you said no?!?! That is absolutely unacceptable and you should know that the SLP class of 2012 despises you.

You screwed up,
Emily

Dear Victoria Beckham,
You are beautiful. It’s almost unfair, really. And I LOOOOOOVE your fashion sense. But, would you please eat a hamburger or ten? You are way too skinny. And by the way, I love the shoes, but on a swing, it would be hard to jump down in 5 inch high Christian Louboutin shoes (without serious injury to you or your thousand dollar shoes). .

You’re welcome,
Emily

Dear Christmas break,
I am SOOOOO glad you are FINALLY here. I will enjoy you by reading all I want to and not studying at all. Oh, and helping my mom move. Please be good to me.

Thank you,
Emily

Sadie Jane,
Since when do you snore, baby girl? You came up for some love this morning and you were SNORING loud enough that I could hear you. Yes, it was adorable but it also made me want to point and laugh at you. Either way, you are still the cutest pup ever.

Love you,
Emily

Taylor Swift,
Who convinced you to take these horrible “high fashion” photos? I’ve always thought you were gorgeous, but this shoot was just a bad idea. Everything about it is ridiculous. The shoes, the hair, the bride blue eye shadow. I hope next time is better.

Stick with the old (sophisticated) Taylor,
Emily

Dear motivation,
Why in the world did you leave me when I needed you most? I’m disappointed that you waited until FINALS to bale. So not cool. I’ll never forgive you for that. Thanks for nothing.

Ugh,
Emily

Dear cold weather,
Thank you so much for coming to L-Town and staying. You have made me a very happy Emily.

Don’t go yet please,
Emily

Dear Mom,
The electric blanket you got me for my birthday is almost as awesome as you. Almost. It has definitely kept me alive since the cold weather came to stay. Best mom ever, once again.

Love love love,
Your Favorite Child (don’t deny it)

Katy Perry,
I bragged about you looking cute the other day and you've already let me down. You really need to keep your boobs INSIDE your dress.

Not flattering,
Emily

Aretha Franklin,
You have astounded me once again. I'm impressed that you killed a bear and made it into earmuffs. And then you were resourceful and made an entire coat out of said bear. And I'm also impressed that you managed to suck your cajones in enough to get inside that red dress. Maybe you should R-E-S-P-E-C-T yourself and get a mirror.

Take it or leave it,
Emily