Dear Tiger Woods

Dear Tiger,

The world seems to be all up in your business, and I'm sorry about that. I really am. What happens in your life, in your car and in your marriage should not be a public issue. Unfortunately, because you are a public figure, sometimes your private life does become public. I guess it comes with the territory and maybe you're used to it by now. It still must bite, though.

I can definitely say I don't know what that's like. It must suck for you and your wife, and I wanted to tell you that it's too bad people are spending their time exposing what you have now admitted that you chose to do in your life. Whether your transgressions are exactly what everyone thinks or not is not for me to judge. I sure don't know the exact details and won't pretend I do. It would seem, however, that you cheated on your wife and the fact remains that you did get outed. It is public now. And I'd really love to take this chance to share some things with you, take them or leave them.

Well, you'll probably leave them, but oh well.

See, I highly doubt that you read my blog, what with your busy career being a fabulous golfer and your role as a husband and father and all. And you most certainly didn't ask for my input into your personal life, nor do I imagine that you are laying awake at night, wondering what I think about your recent "newsworthy" behavior. Perhaps it is out of line for me to write to you so publicly. Forgive me if it is. But see, you and your wife have truly been on my heart a lot. I mean only to be an encouragement to both of you. Far be it from me to judge and that is not what I am here to do.

Even so, please take the following as entirely unsolicited. Know, though, that I am not here to bash you or drag you through the mud, out things you've done or poke fun at you, use your indiscretions as blog fodder for my benefit or act as if I am somehow better than you because I've never cheated on my spouse. Not here to do that. Nowhere do I ever remember learning that it is my place to judge another human being. Nor will I ever, ever use my blog to try to make someone else look bad. I hope instead to encourage others who may read this post to leave you and your family alone. For pete's sake, let's focus on ourselves. I've always been a fan of that. And that is why I want to share a bit of my perspective on this whole debacle.

Of course, that you, Tiger, will read this letter and even have a chance to hear me out is entirely unlikely. It's certainly about as unprobable as it would be for someone like me, who has never so much as set finger on a golf club in her life, shooting (Getting? Hitting?) a hole in one.

Regardless, because you have been heavy on my heart. You see, even if your eyes, Mr. Woods, never grace the likes of my meager blog, I am hopeful that what I am about to say just may possibly hold some kernels of meaning for others. Others who are perhaps dealing with indiscretion, both the exposed and hidden kind, both in people who are well known and in those who aren't. And maybe folks who look either up or down to celebrities might find something to take home with them from my post. I hope.

But maybe not. I do hope that my words come across to those who read them as I intend them to come across. But if nothing else, I'm just hoping to get all the thoughts swirling around in my head down on paper, so bear with me.

First, I'd like to tell you that if you really did have an affair, I think that is incorrigible. Cheating on your wife must drum up in her emotions and feelings of betrayal that I hope to never experience again. I'll even admit that part of my entirely human side hopes that you are ashamed of yourself, even though I know I have no business even feeling that way about your life. Since I don't even know you and all.

But, even so, here is the point I would love for you to latch on to. Even though I do, perhaps in my human weakness, hope that you felt ashamed, I do not wish for you to wallow in a place of shame continually. If I could charge you with one thing, it would be not to dwell in guilt but to embrace grace.

Of course I long for you to own your mistakes, Tiger. If you aren't already, and I hope you are, man up to the pain you caused your wife and family. Let the hot searing anger she has for what you did change you, not harden you. It must be a hard road to walk, both for her dealing with what you have done, and for you, making sense of where to go from here when you are in the public eye the way you are. Stand behind your actions by way of fully admitting and acknowledging them to yourself. Don't lie to yourself or pretend they aren't as bad as others think or that somehow you were justified. You weren't. You are reaping what you sowed, Tiger. Own it. But see, whether you acknowledge all that publicly to your fans is entirely up to you. It makes no difference to me if your public apologies are detailed or not. For it is not us you need to be apologizing to. Because you are well known does not make you accountable to the public. Share only what you want, and keep the rest private. Keep it all private, if you can. But, and I speak from painful experience here, coming entirely clean does feel good. Really good.

I was not there when you argued with your wife, Tiger. I certainly have no idea about the details, nor do I need to. I do know a small bit of what it is like to have your private life made public and to have lies and untruths told about you, though. It sucks. Big time. There is nothing you can do now to change it, though. I encourage you to embrace it, to determine to bring good from it, and to cling to grace. The same grace that any of us “normal”, not-in-the-spotlight folks need every day to cover our own sins is the grace that can cover yours. Regardless of what the transgression is.

Please know that there can be beauty in this for you and for your family, Tiger. Screwing up big time is rough. It's rough on you, your family, your psyche. But this does not have to be the beginning of the end. You are in a very unique, although painful, place. When making our life's biggest mistakes, we have the chance to experience God's grace in ways we'd never otherwise be able to know. At our lowest, most embarrassing, guilt producing, valley moments, God can meet us there and offer redemption. It is not good what you did. But God wants to bring good from it. And to the glory of His name, He does. Every. Single. Time.

Tonight, I am praying for restoration for your marriage. Does your wife have to stay with you? Of course not. Need she forgive you? Nope. Do you owe the world an explanation? I don't think so. But I hope that, in your own heart of hearts, this experience can begin to change you.

You are in a unique situation where people are opening your doors for you, breaking in to your private word with allegations and pointed fingers. It hurts, Tiger. It feels like a betrayal whilst you are grappling with the way you betrayed your wife. No doubt you'd rather hide what you have done. But my advice, as someone who has been there? Don't hide it. Own it. Embrace it. Learn from it. Change your ways. Feel repentance. Apologize to your wife. Seek counseling; lots of it if you can. Let the searing pain and guilt and remorse you hopefully feel inspire in you to see yourself for what you are: A wretched sinner in need of forgiveness. Someone who is nothing if not for grace. Just like all the rest of us. Please know that I am in that same camp with you, in need of daily grace to cover my sins. Forgive yourself, even if your public won't, even as your wife struggles to. Those who want to make your indiscretion out to be worse than theirs are misguided. Sin is sin; God does not compare. Nor should we. Just accept grace.

Who am I to try to encourage you? Just an ordinary woman who has failed, and will fail again. A person with an ever developing faith. Someone who knows low lows and who has been betrayed before. A woman who has been betrayed and learned to forgive. I have walked a road of pain and redemption. I am not better equipped to share with you than another, but my voice is the only one I have. So I will use it.

With grace and forgiveness, there is hope, even in the situations that feel the most hopeless. Believe me. Hope is not found by wallowing in guilt. Nor is it found by making light of our wrongdoings. Instead, I urge you tonight to stand up, whether publicly or not, and own your behavior. Own it, feel it, acknowledge it, and then...move on. Staying in the past will get you nowhere. Wondering what your sponsors and fans are thinking must be on your mind, but try to put it aside. You, your heart, and that of your wife and children are what matter. Focus on them, on saving your marriage, if that is what you want to do. And truly, I pray that it is what you want to do.

I hope people leave you alone and quit finding some sick joy in pointing out your flaws. Last time I checked, we all have them, myself most heartily included in that group. But even if they don't quit, my hope for you is that you find what growth is in this difficult, public time for you. I wish I could wave a wand and grant you and your wife privacy as you walk this road, but you will probably not get it. So instead, press into the pain that the publicity of this is bringing. Make good come from it.

You are a fabulous golfer. Like it or lump it, because of that, you are in the public eye. Far be it from me to have any inkling about what that must be like for you, but on a miniature scale, we have been there. And I just wanted you to know, from someone who has failed big time, that there is hope. Allow grace to cover you when you have failed. And when you fail again, for you will and I will, get up, look to God who is perfect, and choose not to believe the lie that we must wallow in self pity and guilt. For once our sins are forgiven, even God remembers them no more! What beauty! They are washed away as far as the east is from the west. He wants our eyes on the future and on Him, not on our sin and shame. Acknowledge, admit, ask for forgiveness, turn away from wrongdoing, get back on your horse golf cart, and move on.

That is what I wanted to tell you. I’m praying for you and your family.

Sincerely,
Emily