Gazing

When I’m torn between trying something new or staying with the status quo, it’s inevitable a friend will pipe up, “You should just do it! What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

Uh. Plenty.

On one hand, figuring out worst case scenarios is a strength.

One look into a plan and I can imagine countless numbers of worst case scenarios. I will fail. I'll never ever make it in Nashville. ‘Cuz you know when stuff hits the fan, someone’s gonna be asking what-happened-to-Plan-B and what-about-Plan-C?

The bigger the problem, the more frenzied I’d get. I've recently had a lot of practice at being frenzied. That happens when seemingly everything blows up in your face in the blink of an eye.

Don’t we all have experiences like that? Experiences that have taught us: Be careful. Don’t let life get ugly. Fool proof it with planning. Anticipate trouble and avoid it. At all costs.

Unfortunately, the cost to all this planning and reaching for perfection can lead me out on a ledge called “fear-gazing”.

Check out my hot spots for my own feargazing:
- my bank account: money will run out and I'll have to drop out of school, I'll have to suddenly work full-time. Be forced to make it on my own, without the help of my amazing family (God forbid something happen to them), wearing moth-eaten old sweaters surviving on a steady diet of tuna fish sandwiches.
- my marriage: I'll never even GET married, much less have someone to disappoint.
- my dreams: I’d pursue it and people will shake their heads in embarrassment for me: “move along, people. Nothing to see here,”; passersby criticizing every move, lambasting me.

Isn’t that terrible?! It’s interesting to note that I mysteriously feargaze usually after being blessed with a happy moment. It's like I never believe anything good could really be happening to me, so I start to question everything instead of praising God for what He's doing in my life. I question instead of thanking Him for the abundant blessings he consistently bestows on me even though I am so undeserving.

The Enemy is evil. He knows he can’t touch our eternal souls. He goes for the jugular and rips into my hidden fears. Especially the ones I don’t dare breathe.

Then, I think about the “Birth Plan” God came up with for His Son Jesus.

God totally changed the game on this good planning strategy which seems to be very en vogue these days.

Check out God’s plan:
- Jesus is going to be Mary & Joseph’s first baby. But, they won’t have help the first month or the first years with the support of family and friends. They’ll be first time parents in a foreign land.
- Mary won’t be pregnant with Jesus after marrying Joseph. As a single teenager, Mary’s actually a candidate for death by stoning, since she’s unwed.
- Mary, Joseph and Jesus will probably have a bad rep, following them for life in a small village. Crowd pleasing conditions? I think NOT.
- Mary’s fiancee will first think she’s fast and foot-loose. And her poor folks? They’ll be in a tough spot given they vouched for her celibacy prior to marriage.

Um, wow. Seriously. Wooooow.

In the Almighty’s wisdom, God penned the most important life story drawing from the ink of faith, rather than the plans of men.

What was Mary’s response?
“I am the Lord’s servant.. May it be to me as you have said.” (Luke 1:26-40)

This prayer has become my anecdote to fear. I pray it during the day and especially at night, when fearful thoughts pop up as I'm trying to fall asleep.

God, I surrender. I’ve tried to do it my way, planning and drawing up contingency plans whenever I attempt to walk by faith. If this (”X” in it’s worst case scenario) is what you have planned for me, then let it be to me, as you have said.

Take your eyes off your planning and your fears. Instead gaze into Jesus’ loving face. He already has your entire life planned out anyways; the reality is that most of it is out of your control. The One who knows what is best for you in already dwelling in your tomorrows. There's absolutely no need to fret. Most of your life story is out of your hands already. I'm learning every day how to faith-gaze instead of fear-gaze. And it's not easy, lemme tell ya.

When we walk by faith as Christians, we are following God, not a plan.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Is.30:21)