I Couldn't Help But Roll My Eyes...

“There is always hope. You just need to trust God. Everything happens for a reason.”

I couldn't help but roll my eyes every time those words rolled off the tongue of a well-meaning friend. Obviously, I was never mean enough to actually do it if we were face to face. And I know that they really meant well. It wasn't that I didn't believe it was true. It was just that I didn't know what it meant anymore. When you are at the point where you are sure your heart will never be whole again, "everything happens for a reason" makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

What's the "reason" for someone treating you so terrible? What's the "reason" for hurting my precious puppy? What's the "reason" for making me feel terrible about myself in almost every way possible? It's not that I question God; it's just that I don't understand His ways. And it's not that I doubt that He alone knows what is best for me and gives me exactly what I need, matter what. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.

You hear stories of relationships being healed and husbands coming home, but somehow my prayers were falling on deaf ears. For some reason, God said, "No."

I knew I had made some pretty bad decisions, but this? I had no idea. If karma is a B****, then I must have REALLY done something wrong. And as much as I would like to say that after a year, I suddenly "get it". I don't. Not even a little bit.

Had I missed the boat? Was there a closed door meeting where they revealed the password to getting desperate prayers answered? Was there a secret handshake? A formula that I had forgotten to write down? Was God mad at me? Was I being punished?

I don’t pretend to have all the answers or even understand why. But, I do know this: the best view of hope is from a place called desperation. God will meet you there.

I realized I had a choice. Fall over the edge into the darkness of my reality or scratch and fight to hang on to hope. To stand on my tippy toes and see just past this struggle to the future that God has planned for me or hunker down in the darkness of today and just pray that it will pass.

Your road to hopelessness may look different but the destination is the same. We all feel hopeless at times. Whether it’s a failed marriage, a dead end job, a daily addiction or just a tough situation.

Hopelessness is waiting in the wings ready to move in and take up permanent residence. At times, I have invited hopelessness in... but, lately I have been asking the unwelcome visitor to kindly move along.

I have an important and potentially life changing choice to make: to trust the truth and look up or allow the lies to keep you face down in the dirt.

But, here’s what I know:

I am loved. Don’t listen to the lie that nobody cares. I am valued and loved more than I could ever know. John 3:16

God wants a relationship with me. For me, God took away all I ever wanted to show me the one thing I ever really had: Jesus. I am not alone, abandoned or forsaken. God is right there with me, if only I will call out to him.

God has a plan for me. Unfortunately, painful times are the way we learn about how much we need a Savior. My life doesn’t look at all like I thought it would.

But I am starting to see that it looks just like God’s plan. And, His plan is the best. So, I didn’t get my way. Part of the process is laying down my will and accepting His. Jeremiah 29:11

It won't be easy. But, God didn't promise easy. God didn't even promise a painless life. The truth of God's love is not that He allows bad things to happen to us; instead His promise is that He will be right there with us when they do happen.