Memories

A few weeks ago, I had to attend a NSSLHA (National Student Speech Language and Hearing Association) conference in town. It was pretty fascinating. The speaker was a professor/researcher from Florida State and he talked about memory. It was basically a 6 hour lecture about the parts of the brain, how it works, how speech and memory are intertwined, etc. The guy is a genius and he actually made the six hours go by relatively fast, which is good since I was seriously dreading sitting around for 6 hours listening to some Einstein babble.

Anyways, as an assignment for one of my classes, my teacher had given us a paper topic. We had to pick 10 memories (from our entire memory database) that we would want to keep if we had to lose all the others. We had to start with our first firm memory, which for me was the time that my sister was driving our four wheeler and I fell off the back and hit my head on the concrete a few days before I started kindergarten. While this definitely won't make my top ten list, it's the first solid memory I have that I can still reenact in my head and recount with accuracy.

While for some people the assignment was a pretty easy task, I found it a bit of a challenge. Not the writing of the paper itself, but just picking 10 memories from my abundantly blessed life.

Since my life really hasn't been too exciting as of late, I decided to talk about 5 of these memories here on my blog. These aren't in any particular order.

Seeing Celine Dion in Las Vegas
There's no way a favorite memory list would be complete without Celine being a part of it. :) The first time I saw her in Las Vegas was literally some of the very best three hours of my life.

I've loved Celine for as long as I can remember. And I have always LOVED going to concerts (the theatrics, the lights; they are fun). When we found out that Celine would be in Las Vegas for 3 years and one of those years would coincide with my 21st birthday, we sort of made a family "goal" to get to Las Vegas and see her. It was going to be my 21st birthday present from my family. We couldn't go in December (when my birthday actually is) because she took some time off for the holidays, but we had thought we would go before her run in Las Vegas was over. They had completely fooled me into believing that all of the shows were sold out for the foreseeable future, but maybe we would try to go the following summer. Although I was disappointed, I believed them.


The spring break after I turned 21, they had scheduled a trip without me knowing about it. It was a big deal; my mom, sister and I would fly out and then 2 days later, my dad was scheduled to meet us out there and we would all partake in the awesomeness that is Celine at Caesar's Palace. When they told me that we actually had tickets as part of my birthday present, I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing.


The trip was even more special to me because my dad was also coming along. Growing up, he was never really able to take trips with us as a family because he was always working (and therefore providing the necessary funds for these trips). He had more fun knowing that we (my mom, sister and I) were going places and doing fun things than anything else. He just wanted to be able to provide those opportunities for us, and considered his role to be staying behind to work and sending us along (even though my family could have just as easily paid for his ticket without him staying behind; it's just his nature to be the provider). I'll always be grateful for that mindset, but I'd be lying if I said I was never disappointed when he went on like 2 full blown (not counting holidays, obviously) family vacations throughout my childhood. I was ECSTATIC that he had bought himself an airplane ticket and that we had four tickets to her show instead of three (thanks to Katie Lee, who seriously paid like $400 bucks a pop for tickets on literally the fourth row). I think one of the main reasons my dad went is because he knew how excited I was that I was finally seeing her, and it was sort of a belated birthday present and he wanted to see me enjoy it so much. Gosh, I get tears thinking about it. I was also so so excited that my entire family would be in on the experience. Thanks to 'NSync (a story post for another day) my mom sort of lost interest in concerts. But like my dad, she wanted to be there for me in that moment when everything I'd wanted came full circle. Amazing.



This story is getting a little long-winded. I promise there's a point. So, back to it.



So, spring break arrives. We head out to Las Vegas. Spend two days with my mom and sister gallivanting around having a grand time. The day before the concert, my dad gets there. We gallivant with him some more. By this point, my excitement is unbearable. The day of the concert comes. Dun du dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn (that's supposed to be climatic musical effects, in case you are wondering). While walking through our hotel on concert day, we hear it mentioned that Celine's show for that night has been canceled. No lie, I immediately started bawling. And I don't mean the pretty subdued cries. It was ugly. So, we called Caesar's Palace to see if this rumor was true. It was. Commence sobbing. She had laryngitis or something and had to cancel. As our luck would have it, we had tickets for a Sunday night, with plans to fly home Monday. She only performed on Wednesday-Sunday. So, if we wanted to see her, we would've had to wait until Wednesday and hope that show wasn't sold out. It wasn't feasible for us to wait around; my sister and parents had a job, and I had to go back to school. So we called the box office and asked about getting our money back. Commence even more drama queen-ish sobbing. Pretty sure I could've won an Oscar.


After a short family discussion, it was decided that we would get our money back and later that summer, my parents would fly my sister and I back out to Las Vegas to see another show. They decided not to come due to logistics and such. So, we rescheduled for June; I think at that point, my heart starting beating normally again. I was pretty sure June would never ever come... it felt like an eternity. We were able to get seats that were just as good (although the price was no better). As the new date drew neared, my sister and I decided to make a mini-vacation out of it. We would spend two days in Vegas, rent a car and spend a week in Los Angeles.



My sister printed out tons of attractions and coupons for LA and we were off. LA was amazing, by the way. We had the best time!


When I got in to the Caesar's Palace theater (picture below), I couldn't help but beam.


It was finally happening. We got to the hotel around 4 (it didn't start until 8 and we had reserved seats) because I HAD to walk around the Celine Dion shop and takes tons of pictures around all the posters of her throughout the hotel. I honestly can't remember ever being so excited. Then, the show started. Literally, I cried. I was so ridiculously happy. I can't even explain it, honestly. I saw her come out on to that stage and I went crazy. I looked over at my sister and smiled. Pretty sure she was looking at me like I was a crazed fan from that point on. I spend the next 2.5 hours absolutely captivated. I was taking it all in and hoping to never forget a single moment. No words can describe what that moment felt like. It was better than every single dream I had ever imagined.




We weren't allowed to take a camera inside the Colosseum, so these were some of the hundreds of pictures that we were able to take in the hours before the show when we were walking around Caesar's Palace. This is not anywhere near all of them. Yes, I heart her. Biggest and most gorgeous red and pink puffy heart ever.


We also went to see her in Houston during her world tour, which was fabulous as well. But nothing compares to the feeling when it actually happened the first time on that stage in Las Vegas (especially since it was try number 2, after I had been anticipating concert 1 for 3 months already). These pictures are from the actual concert.












Finishing my very last final of my undergraduate career
Don't get my wrong. I LOVED going to Tech. It was the only place I ever really wanted to go. As I've mentioned before, college was much more of an expectation than an option. However, as much as I liked it, being done felt incredible. I was so ready to graduate. It was the end of one of the things I hate the most: taking tests. And then I decided to go to grad school.



The moment I came up from the baptismal waters
I remember my baptism with unbelievable clarity; I was only 7 years old (please don't calculate how long ago that was). I had gone forward during the invitation a few weeks before, and had met with my pastor about the decision I had made. We met a few times and talked about what it meant. I knew it would be powerful, but I had no idea it would feel so freeing and wonderful. The symbolism of being risen up as a new person really caught me that day. It's pretty incredible to know that God has a place for me reserved in eternity regardless of how much I screw up my life here on Earth. Unbelievable. I'm so unworthy.



The moment I realized that I deserved and needed more out of a relationship
Relationships can be extremely hard or absolutely wonderful. Sometimes it's a mixture that seems to make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Heartbreaking. Wonderful. Lost. Blissful.
My last romantic relationship was rocky, to say the least. Granted, it wasn't always painful. We were in love; I was pretty sure he completed me (HUGE mistake). We started planning a life together and often talked about our future, which we I was sure would be just magical.

Then, something changed. He used his words and actions to push every last button that he knew I had. He was deceitful; mean; condescending; manipulative. Foolishly, I stuck around sure that it was a stage and things would get better. He hurt my precious dog and threatened to take my life in a fit of rage one night. That night, I went to my Mom's house; I was way too scared to stay at my house with him, and he wasn't going anywhere even after I asked him to please leave my home. As I held Sadie close and sobbed the entire way home, I had a revelation. I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I deserved better. I needed better. I wanted better.

The next day, he dropped me from his car insurance (I had previously gotten in to a wreck, something he never let me forget) because he didn't want to pay the $36 a month for my "stupid mistake". That night, I moved his stuff out of my house while my Dad unloaded all the guns that were in my house that were his.



I'm sure it seems weird that this is a good memory, but it was huge for me. For the first time, I had enough confidence in myself to know that I deserved better (somehow in my mind I had rationalized his being mean to me as something I deserved), regardless of the way I thought I felt about him. I had stuck around long enough and it was time to quit. I HAD to get out and I did. I had let him hurt me so much and was always too afraid to leave. I knew he could have really hurt me or my family. He had threatened me and it was a matter of time before it happened. I knew I wanted to be with him (what a stupid, stupid girl I was!) but I also knew I didn't want to be hurt and you just can't be with someone who you are scared to be around. Since that moment, I've promised myself that settling is just not an option and I would never ever ever be treated that way again. It was great for me because I realized that I deserved better for myself even after everyone else had already told me that. Call it weird, but it is a good memory to reflect on from time to time. I can guarantee I will NEVER be in that situation again.



December 10, 2009
The first set of class ranking for grad school came out on this day. To say that the fall semester was Hell is much like saying Elton John is only semi-gay. Just not plausible, right? Right. I loved Speech Pathology school, but emotionally, I was more than a little drained. So much crying. So much stress. So much betrayal that seemed to show up everywhere. And the classes were hard. My Phonetics class was the bane of my existence. I HATED it. And it was hard. I loved Gross Anatomy, but it took a lot of studying and preparation, too. I had to study so much more that I did when I was in undergrad. I never felt like I was caught up and I was always so scared of failing a test (not acceptable for my (and my family's) expectations).

And then, I found out I was number one in my class. I had studied my tail off. I threw myself into my school like never before. So the day that I got the news that all that tail-kicking I did was really worth it, I literally cried. Happy tears of course. I was so overcome with gratitude and relief... SUCH a great feeling. I felt like I had proven to myself that even in the worst times, I could do anything. It seemed like what I had sworn was impossible was really possible. I had done it! It was affirmation I desperately needed at the time.



I don't know how I got so lucky; why God chose to bless me this way. If you were in this position, you'd be blown away too.