Dear So and So (and some funnies)

Dear Mary,
Last time I checked, bowl haircuts were out about... 19 billion years. So why were you flaunting such a haircut on Oprah today? Oh, and why oh why didn't you *gasp* sing instead of screeching and sounding like a dying cat?

You suck,
Emily



Dear Kat,
It's no secret that I really don't like you absolutely can NOT stand you. And apparently, you seem to think that Language Development should be an English course instead. Why in the world does someone with a lisp need to know what a copula is? And why do I need to know if it's contractible or not? I. DON'T. CARE.

Please get a life,
Emily

P.S. My sister (she's brilliant---no lie) has no idea what a copula is. The girl has a college degree in English. If anyone should know what a copula (uncontractible or not) is, it would be her. And according to her, an auxiliary verb is a "helping verb" and your definition is all irregular forms of "are". Are you trying to make me look retarded? Before you test me on it, maybe you should learn this junk yourself. And while you're at it, why don't you explain the usefulness of all this useless info? Kthanks.




Dr. Vet Man,
I paid you 75 bucks today to give my precious Sophie Grace her Rabies shot and the nametag to go with it. What I did NOT pay you 75 bucks for was to tell me that she was "all ears" and looked like she would probably eat anything. She is a growing puppy! Of course she eats anything. DUUUUUUUUUHHHHH. Please be nice to my sweet girl.

I pay your bills; be nice to me,
Emily

Dear Emma Pillsbury,
Girl, we need to talk. Will Scheuster totally wants to be with you now, and you told him to go away. What in the world are you thinking? I can't wait to see what happens through the rest of this season of Glee, but I'm afraid you just turned Will Scheuster down and probably smashed his beautiful little heart in the process. You should be ashamed.

Get a grip,
Emily



Will,
Since Emma broke your precious gorgeous heart earlier, feel free to run to me. I am MORE than happy to help put you back together, and I may or may not already be head over heels in love with you.

I'm here for you babe,
Emily



That's about it for this week... but I recently discovered a hilarious website, bluntcard.com. I looooove this site and it offers some awesome laughs right when I need them. I picked a few for this post, since I don't have much letter writing material this time. Sorry for the language. Enjoy!